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10 Tips for A Passionate Marriage

Written By: Kristen L. Baker, 2010

There he is, that guy you had been admiring for some time now. Will he ever notice you? You have to let him know you are there. If not you tell his pal that you would like to meet him for a drink. The butterflies are flying around in your belly, you turn your head for a moment and turn back around and there he is, right in front of you.

This was the start of it all. From that moment on you fell in love and you had passion and adventure and spontaneaty. It was blissful, out of a romance novel some would say.

The ring is on your finger and you are now united as one. You are excited but once you move in to your new place after the wedding, it suddenly feels odd. You love it and love the fact that you come home to eachother every night. Months go by and than years go by and you ask yourself, " What is so different"?

Intimacy was automatic when we were dating, passion was hot and breathtaking, where is it now?

In nearly all marriages, passion and intimacy becomes secondary for many reasons, work, children, life in general. It does not have to be like this and it should not be. There has to be time made for intimacy and passion between couples.

Small things go a very long way for a woman to feel desired, wanted and needed and it is not all sexual. A woman needs appreciation, if she feels she is doing everything in the household and in the relationship, she will tend to shy away from intimacy. A woman needs little things like a wink or a small kiss on the forehead or behind the ear, something subtle but loving.

A woman needs compliments, when she is dressed up, she needs to hear she looks nice and even if she is in sweat pants she wants to know you desire her. A woman needs passion.

Without passion in a relationship, there is a huge void, one that can even cripple a marriage. Passion about goals and dreams and desires, passion for one another and that passion has to be communicated. If a couple shares the same passion and dreams, they will come to surface much sooner working together as a team.

A marriage takes work and there really is no Answer Key to what one can do to make it last but there are many simple things one can do to make their spouse feel loved, lusted and appreciated.

1. Start each day with a kind word to one another,example: If your husband is dressed for work, tell him he looks handsome or sexy. If your wife is still lying in bed, tell her something like I could stay and lay with you all day long. Something that both will think of through out the day. Or even right something on the bathroom mirror with lipstick.

2. In this day and age of texting, you can send your spouse a text, saying you are thinking of them, or you miss them or you cannot wait until they get home so you can be together. Say something that will make their heart flutter.

3. Notice what your spouse has done, maybe cleaned the house or mowed the lawn and tell them it looks nice, let them know that you noticed and you appreciate what was done.

4. Flirt: It does not matter how long you have been married, you can always flirt with your spouse. Think back to the dating days and relive them. With a simple smile or a gentle touch, it can make all the difference in the world.

5. Respect your spouse, for their goals and wants and support them, praise them and let them know you will be by their side all the way.

6. Listen and Hear your spouse: Anyone can listen but you must hear in a marriage. You must pay attention and hear the words so if there is any miscommunication you will more accurately be able to respond.

7. Trust your spouse, do not second guess and do not doubt.

8. Take time to be a couple, whether you have children or long hour careers, you must take time to be a couple and be silly together and play together, laugh, smile at one another and feel what you felt when you fell in love.

9. Communicate: All too often there is a break in communication in any marriage and if this happens so many different paths can be taken. Always say what you feel whether it is good or bad because no matter what there was love and passion at one time otherwise there would be no marriage in existence.

10. Be creative together and keep the flame alive. Want one another and show it. Go up to your spouse when they least expect it and kiss them and whisper something sexy in their ear. Try new things to spice up your sex life. Have it be about the two of you in intimacy not just one. Keep it fun and unplanned and memorable. Being creative in the bedroom is not difficult, it can be fun and it will keep the flame alive.

In a marriage keeping the love, intimacy, trust, communication and passion alive will prove a life long marriage. If you feel stagnant in your marriage, it is not too late, it is time to kick it up a notch and do something about it. If you are feeling less desired or sexy make a move that will show your spouse that you are and you still desire them.

All too often couples think the other one is no longer interested so they stop trying, this cannot happen, you have to make the effort, there is nothing wrong with one making a move first, someone has to.

Love, be passionate, be friends and be happy~!

Anxiety Starts With One Thing!

Written by: Kristen L. Baker, 2009

In this week's newspaper there was an article stating that mental health disorders account for 90% of the Emergency Room Visits. That number is alarming at the very least. There are many things that contribue to anxiety, and the sensations mimic several other health disorders. In this article, I will outline symptoms of anxiety attacks/panic attacks.

You are walking in the crowded mall and suddenly, you feel this intense urge to get out. You start to panic and look for the closest exit. Once you get outside, you feel much better, but that is not the answer to what happened in the mall.

1. Feeling of apprehension
2. Sweating
3. Raising heart/palpitations
4. Feelings of an impending doom
5. Shakiness
6. Fear
7. Racing thoughts
8. Numbness/tingling
9. Dry mouth
10. Feeling you will die
11. Nausea
12. Dizziness/feeling faint

The list goes on. As someone who suffered all of these symptoms and more, I can tell you, there is relief and it starts with your thoughts. It is a vicious cycle when one is anxious, the thoughts come at you like a tornado and it is hard to stop them in their tracks, but it can be done. Each time you have an anxiety attack or panic attack, it can be stopped before it takes over. You have the control and it is about learning how to not give in and give up that control to the uncomfortable sensations of anxiety.

There are several anxiety disorders:

1. Generalized Anxiety Disorder
2. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
3. Social Anxiety
4. Fear & Phobias
5. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
6. Agoraphobia

Each disorder has unique characteristics but one very important similarity: Your thoughts!

With the Obssesive Compulsive, they are repeating things over and over again, rechecking if the stove was shut off, or the iron is off and so on. Washing hands repeatedly along with so many other obsessions. OCD is about control, when you may feel as though something in your life is out of control, doing these rituals can make you feel more in control, because it is something you feel you can control.

OCD is stress producing. It takes so much time out of ones life and it makes on always on edge. This does not have to be this way.

Social Anxiety is really about insecurity and low self esteem. Often times someone will feel they will embarrass themselves or will not be accepted. Socialization is crucial to our well-being and this can be changed and concurred if you begin to believe in yourself and have that confidence.

Fears & Phobias are by the plenty. Everyone has a fear or phobias of something, spiders, snakes, small spaces, dying and millions more. Again, these come from your thoughts and beliefs. Possibly you saw something on a movie that made you fear the particular thing or situation or you encountered it in the past. Identifying the fear or phobia is the first step, breaking it down and than facing it. Facing a fear will never be as bad as what you have thought up in your mind.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has many elements to it, reverting back to a younger age, re-adopting old habits, like bed wetting, nightmares. Reliving the traumatic event and becoming crippled by it often times. Triggers can bring you back to the trauma and cause immense anxiety and depression and fear. It does not have to be a life threatening event that will cause PTSD, it can be anything that caused you emotional harm. Something that may not be traumatic to someone else can very well be for you. Facing the traumatic experience head on and accepting that is over can help. Changing your thoughts and releasing the anger surrounding the event will prove more peace.

Agoraphobia can be debilitating. Fear of wide open spaces. many people do not leave their homes or they avoid things they once loved. This can and will ruin lives and waste it as well. Changing your beliefs and thoughts and taking action is critical to getting over this.

No matter what level of anxiety you may have, it can be relieved and gone with or without medications. It all starts with your thoughts. Changing the way you think, perceive and believe in yourself. It is not easy and there is no quick fix, there is no magic, it takes work and commitment and the desire to be free of it and live a happy and joyful life.

Seek help from a medical provider, psychologist or Life Coach if you have an anxiety disorder, do not waste any more time feeling anxious. Life is grand and you need to join in.

You do not have to go this alone.